Thursday, September 13, 2007

Thursday Thirteen #36

Archived TTs ~ TT Headquarters

Thirteen Things My Mother Taught Me:


1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that comes out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

***Come back next week for THE REST of the list!***

27 comments, add yours here:

Linda said...

Your Mom is a very smart woman!!

Lara Angelina said...

Funny -- but my mom taught me nearly the very same things!! Gee, I wonder how that happened!!
Great TT!

OneFullHouse said...

Aren't moms great? (i put up a post today about ungrateful teenagers, funny how we both sorta hit on the same thing here)

:-)

Michelle

Deb - Mom of 3 Girls said...

All very true - and too funny! :)

grace said...

Very funny list! My mom once told me, don't play on the streets! If you get hit by a car, I will smack you!! Overkill!! lol

katherine. said...

I have only said a FEW of these....honest....

impworks said...

I liked them all but Contortionism has to be my favourite.

.. Dallas Meow >^^ said...

cicle of life

heh

Lynn / vigilant20 said...

Too funny!

amypalko said...

I love these - they really made me laugh. Unfortunately, I have actually said many of these to my own children. One of those moments when you're left standing there thinking "Did I just say that!?" One of my all time favourites was: "If you fall and break your neck, don't come running to me!"

Odat said...

How creative!!! Loved it!
Peace

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

you had a wonderful mother!! she sounds just like me!

smiles, bee

Lori said...

ROFLMAO...those are funny...and to #6...I think Bill Cosby once said, it doesnt matter if you are wearing clean underwear or not during an accident because first you're gonna say it, and then you're gonna do it!! Happy TT.

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Not playing this week but wanted to comment. Your mother is very wise. Have a great day. :)

Believer in Balance said...

Brilliant!

Michelle Davis Petelinz said...

Yes we did all have the same mother, and yes, we're all turning into her! Mine also taught me about FURNITURE:

"Use your head for something other than a hat rack".

Happy TT!
Here's mine: http://artventuring.blogspot.com/2007/09/thursday-thirteen-4-body-part-cliches.html

Queen-Size funny bone said...

This was funny and it makes me wonder if we are sister separated at birth and have the same mother.

Asara said...

I love the osmosis one :D I swear my mom said most of these to me at one point or another.. I learned from her mistakes though.. at MY table it's "please stop talking and eat your dinner!" ;)

Akelamalu said...

Your mother was a wise woman :)

Mags said...

Priceless!

Southern Girl said...

Very funny! I got taught a few of those lessons myself. ;)

My TT is up, too!
http://southern-born-and-bred.blogspot.com

Thea said...

LOL! This is my kinda list. Too funny. Are we related?

Denise Patrick said...

Very funny. Every time I see those, I have to laugh because I learned the same things!

Happy TT!

palmtreefanatic said...

this was a great TT list! thanks for the laugh!:)

Jackie said...

Moms rule!!!! :)

My TT is up :)

Travis said...

No matter how many times I read these they still make me laugh.

Nicholas said...

No matter how much they promise themselves that they won't, all mothers eventually use those sayings. I think it's a law.