Thursday, February 26, 2009

My Worst Fear Confirmed!

I feel the terror screaming inside. My palms are sweaty. I feel my heart pounding. I can't control it and I don't know why. I have to be in control. I need to be in control. Why is this happening to me?! What have I done to cause this? I am beginning to panic. "Calm down" I tell myself. I cannot let them see me out of control like this. I cannot allow them to fear what I fear. It is just not right. When is it going to end? Is it almost time....


I slap the snooze button on my alarm clock and stare at the ceiling drenched in sweat. I had the dream again, I exclaimed. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and tried to shake off the fear that was clinging to my body just like the sweat. I made my way to the coffee pot, and began the brew. I filled two sippie cups with milk and one bottle with formula. As the coffee brewed, I made my way to a warm bath and began contemplating this recurring dream. I have dreamed it for as long as I can remember, possibly since the first day I drove.

The bath helped to clear my head and I shook off the fear as I made my way to the coffee pot. The rest of the morning was a hurried rush just as it is every day, a bit of orderly chaos I like to call it. I rounded up the kiddos and we headed to the truck. They were safely buckled in their seats and I began to back out of the drive way.

As I pressed my breaks, they went to the floor. THIS was not a dream. I was awake. My children were with me, I had no breaks in my truck. My worst nightmare was coming true, right here and right now! I shook my head, and began to push the gas again thinking I was just imagining my worst fear coming true. Right before my eyes, I realized that it was not my imagination. Something was terribly wrong. I tried to keep my fear under wraps as I grabbed my cell phone and began to dial my husband's phone. He answered and I calmly told him that something was wrong with my truck. I had to press my breaks all the way to the floor to get it to stop. Even then there was a little bit of hesitation and was not completely stopping it.

He was only five minutes away. I drove to him and left my truck at his office while I took the kids to school in his truck. When I got back, he drove my truck to the shop where the mechanic informed us that he would fix the breaks. On the way back to the office, my husband said to me,
"You weren't kidding when you said you didn't have any breaks were you?!", I don't think that is something I would kid about!!!
$892 later, I have breaks and a bunch of other new stuff I couldn't tell you anything about. But, something had caused all of my break fluid to leak out so that is why I had no breaks. My worst fear came true yesterday. I stared fear in the face. I hope to never do it again!

11 comments, add yours here:

Anonymous said...

I am so glad you all are safe. That is indeed a VERY scary thing!

Write From Karen said...

Oh wow, how creepy! I'm glad you guys are okay and that you were able to get out of the truck before it became a life/death situation!!

My husband willingly drove without brakes when he was in college - he was too poor to pay for new ones - so he stopped with his emergency brake! BTW readers, don't do that! Very dangerous!!

Write From Karen

Star8278 said...

I have that dream too. Always going somewhere and always not being able to stop.

I had a similar situation on an interstate off ramp once. Hit the brakes and blew a rear line. Almost rear-ended the car in front of me.

Glad you noticed it before you got on a highway.

Anonymous said...

WOW! Glad it's fixed!

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

oh how scary! i know, it happened to me when i was only 16 and i still have not forgotten it!

so happy you are safe honey.

smiles, bee

Misty Dawn said...

While the subject of this post is frightening, Tish, this is a very well written post. One of my 'panic attack' causers is fear that my vehicle will break down... whether it be the brakes going out or whatever... if I think about it, it gives me serious anxiety.

Linda said...

Oh my gosh, so glad to hear that everything is okay and that you didn't lose your brakes in a place where disaster was definitely around the corner!

There is no price tag on peace of mind, especially when you transport your children a lot, so no matter what it cost to fix the brakes - it was well worth it!

Mags said...

Oh man-that IS scary. I'm glad that you were able to stop the car instead of the alternative.

When I was in high school my first car had bad brakes toward the end of its life. I had to do the same thing-press them all the way down to get it to stop. I mastered timing it so I could stop before hitting things. So stupid.

Glad you're safe.

Heart of Rachel said...

That must have been scary. I'm glad you are all safe and sound.

Desert Songbird said...

There is nothing scarier than having the kids in the car and experiencing car troubles, especially brake failure. We do a lot of high-speed driving, and a blow out is our other fear. I'm glad you got taken care of; my car is in the shop right now, too.

Travis said...

There are few scarier feelings than stepping on that break pedal and not stopping. I've been there.

Congratulations on staying calm. And I'm glad nothing bad happened.