New Office Work Rules
1. SICKNESS: No excuses will be acceptable. We will no longer accept
your doctor's statement as proof of illness, as we believe that if you
are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
2. LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR AN OPERATION: We are no longer allowing this
practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may not need all
of whatever you have, and you should not consider having anything
removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed
certainly makes you less than we bargained for.
3. DEATH, OTHER THAN YOUR OWN: This is no excuse. If you can arrange
for funeral services to be held late in the afternoon, however, we can
let you off an hour early, provided all your work is up to date.
4. DEATH, YOUR OWN: This will be accepted as an excuse, but we would
like at least two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach
someone else your job.
5. PERSONAL HYGIENE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the
washrooms. In the future, you will follow the practice of going in
alphabetical order, for instance, those with surnames beginning with
"A" will be allowed to go from 9:00-9:05, and so on. If you are unable
to go at your appointed time, it will be necessary to wait until the
next day when your time comes around again.
6. QUANTITY OF WORK: No matter how much you do, you'll never do
enough.
7. QUALITY OF WORK: The minimum acceptable level is perfection.
8. ADVICE FROM OWNER: Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning
and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
9. THE BOSS IS ALWAYS RIGHT.
10. WHEN THE BOSS IS WRONG, REFER TO RULE 9.
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