Wednesday, June 20, 2007

How could I?!

Tonight my patience with my children was short. It was just one of those times where they were both getting under my skin. I'd ask them to do something and they'd disobey, ignore, or just try to make me angry. Shelby, the four year old was smarting off as she does more frequently by the day. She mentioned something about "just leaving". In the heat of the moment, I told her that I'd take her to live with another famiy if that's what she wanted. I said I'd just go find another little girl who was good and would listen to me. She said, Fine! She kept on mouthing and when it was time to get out of the bath tub she said she wanted her daddy (who was outside mowing) because I had "Broken her heart". As she said this, she just began to cry hysterically, real tears. I felt horrible! Her heart was broken, my heart was broken, and here I was being a big 'ole Bitch! I'm sorry, baby girl for breaking your heart! We talked about it before Dad came in the house. She still "told" on me. But, she said she wasn't mad at mommy and mommy wasn't mad at her. When she went to bed, I told her that I loved her and I would never send her away and I was very sorry for talking to her like that. I was not nice for saying that and I promise that even if I am angry with her that I would never talk like that to her again. I feel just horrible. But, I guess it was a learning experience for me. She's only four. I am almost thirty! Get a grip, Tisha...you can't play mind games with a four year old. I wouldn't be surprised if I'm in her room tonight comforting her after a nightmare of me sending her off to a new family! *Sigh*!!

13 comments, add yours here:

Kai said...

Aww Tish - it happens. There's nothing you can do now but take it as a learning experience - when my two were little I would go to sleep every night praying that I would do better the next day. It is so tough, isn't it?

Big (((hugs)))

Callie Ann said...

Oh Tish I have so been there girl. When Jessica was 10 she decided to move out. I helped her pack. She started walking to her friends house. I yelled get your Ass back here. Oh that child was trying. It's so hard when they say mean things to us. I often wonder where they learned to be such little snots at times. Cause I swear I didn't talk to her that way. I wish we would have had the nanny from ABC 20 years ago. It's so hard honey. You have my heart for this challenge you face everyday. It can be so hard at times. UGH!. Hugs to you honey!

Shaz said...

You hit the nail on the head when you said motherhood is a learning curve, as long as you've learn one more step by this you're doing ok. Don't beat yourself up emotionally your kids will do that for you when they are teenagers! (winks!)

Mommy's My Name said...

You actually brought tears to my eyes. Not because I think you're a bad mom but because I have so done that myself. I have 4 kids and trust me, they definitely work on my last nerve often. Especially my girls. For some reason, the boys seem to be easier but my girls just take a toll on me. My 11 year old has a huge attitude and my 3 year old is following in big sis's footsteps. Lord help me. No worries. It is okay to make mistakes. It is wonderful that you were able to admit, talk about, and work past it. Good for you! I love your blog! I'll be back! Have a great weekend!

Rebecca said...

Girl, you're a good mama and those kiddo's love you. You're just human too sometimes. It's good you guys talked it out. :)

Comedy + said...

Oh we have all done this one. I think every mother has. Don't be so hard on yourself. Someday you will both laugh about this. Trust me here. You are not alone... :)

Ginafish said...

I was mentally wrestling with my four year old Wednesday, and she was wearing me down. I finally broke down and told her she was being a brat, and then she bawled for the 1/2 hour drive home. When we got home, we finally settled things, and when Daddy got home, she told him the story about how we were both cranky that day. *sigh* Is it just me, or is it hard to not feel guilty for wanting to be their parent and their friend at the same time?

Linda said...

Don't beat yourself up over this one, Tish. I am afraid that we have all been there and done that when it comes to our children being so trying at times. It's not like you slapped her or anything (though I know that words can sometimes sting more) and you did manage to work it out with her. Knowing me I would have thrown "well, you broke my heart, too" right back at her and then we both would have been sitting there crying.

The toughest job you will ever have is being a mom as it's got more ups and downs than a rollercoaster but try to enjoy the ride!

Bubba's Sis said...

Welcome to the Real World of Parenting! It happens, honey. But ya'll did a good job of getting past it. She knows you love her.

I probably would have been like Linda and said, "You broke my heart, too!"

Scribbit said...

I have periods of beating myself up for things like that too, so you have my sympathy. Every mom knows what it feels like to reach your limit of patience.

Heart of Rachel said...

Hi Tisha. There are days when I feel ashamed of losing my patience on my son. I wish I could take back all those times I hurt his feelings but I'm learning from every experience and strive to be a better mother.

Dawn said...

I have a 4 yr old daughter, and most days, I'd like to send her to live with another family LOL They'd send her back though.

I think they just have a special way of pushing.our.buttons.

in a major way
lol

The other night, during one of her seemingly NIGHTLY attempts at going to sleep by claiming she was hungry, I said out of frustration "You're not hungry - You're SPOILED!" and walked out of her room.

Then, I lay in my bed feeling like crap for saying it, so I went in and apologized to her and she said she loved me, and all was better. But I still felt awful.

I don't have any words of wisdom for you because obviously, I'm struggling too, but wanted to let you know you're not alone with the dreaded 4 yr old baby girl LOL

Good luck!

Neila said...

Oh, sister, you are human! And it doesn't help that 4-year-olds are experts at pushing our buttons! :-) (Remind me to tell you about the time I snapped and told Eli the gypsies were going to come and take him away.) Oh yeah. I'm not proud of myself. But we've all done it. Maybe not the gypsy thing, but you know what I mean. Your daughter knows you love her, and that is what matters!! Keep your chin up!